Along my ReWilding journey, I learned the true meaning of unconditional love and acceptance—The capacity to let people be who they are, free from our judgements, expectations, needs, wants, wishes, and demands. It’s the process of witnessing someone or something and allowing and accepting the fullness of their authentic expression in a state of neutrality. Meaning there is no “charge”—we don’t see them as good or bad, or right or wrong. We just see all of them completely and accept all circumstances with equanimity.
And of course witnessing others from a place of neutrality must begin with witnessing ourselves in this way.
I had to learn this lesson personally, specifically with family, as well as with clients.
Early in my career, when I was still being indoctrinated into a system in which doctors are “god-healers”, and healthcare is really sick-care, I was trained to fix and save my clients. I was domesticated to believe that I had the medicine they needed in order to be saved.
The truth is that when we think we can save anybody it means that we assume we are better than them, and that kind of thinking automatically create separation between us. Trying to save the world as if I was an expert onlooker separated me from everyone else. It removed me from the social order and abdicated me from meaningful responsibilities to the betterment of the world. It was the opposite of my mission. True service to others is only possible when we first acknowledge who they are in any moment, their innate divinity.
Nobody needs saving by any external force.
Everyone is capable of healing themselves.
What is often needed is guidance to show people the way back to themselves.
This not only applied to my work with clients,
But also as a mother to my children.
I used to try to protect my boys from pain or hardship, I would try to correct them and fix what I believed to be broken with them.
And it all Backfired.
I need to empower others—my children, my clients, my friends, my self.
And I saw quite clearly that empowering others is only possible by continuing to do my own inner work. If I wanted to shift the consciousness of others such that they could take greater responsibility for themselves, I had to do the same for myself. I had to consider how I could best serve others with my words and actions.
I could only reach the deepest and truest parts of others when I was connected to those same parts of myself.
Working with anyone in that way, taking action from the heart and expressing myself with love, honors their divinity and in turn, expands their consciousness so they can recognize it within themselves. That is true empowerment from an enlightened place.
As a mother and a holistic psychologist and wellness mentor, Instead of enabling my children or my clients, I want to empower them. Instead of protecting them I want to prepare them. Instead of teaching them I want to guide them back home to themselves so they can rely on their own inner wisdom to become autonomous, self-sufficient, and resilient.
Fixing others is about illusions of control and being a savior.
Empowering others is about genuinely accepting who the other is and allowing them free reign over their own lives. It’s putting them in the drivers seat of their own life, knowing that they are the only ones who own the road map.
I’ve learned that empowering anyone—children, clients, friends, anyone, is about loving them and excepting them unconditionally without any agenda, expectation, needs, or wants.
And this is only possible when We can experience true unconditional acceptance for ourselves, where we are right now, in each moment.
For years, I believed that my life would be better when I met some arbitrary benchmark of perfection. I criticized myself constantly, treated myself punitively, and beat myself into submission when I failed to evolve according to expectation.
Though harshest with myself, I was also relating to others in the same way. Expecting my clients to do their work and heal fast, my kids to learn the lesson and change their behaviors, my family members to reconsider their words and actions, all according to my expectations and timelines.
Yet I was no different than any other person who walked through the doors of my office or who sat at my dinner table– the anxious distractible six year old was me; The terrified panic stricken 16 year old was me; The depressed overworked 35 year old was me; The exhausted stressed out mother who feels her identity slipping away was me.
If I don’t understand those parts of myself, I cannot empower anyone else.
The relationship I have with myself becomes the template for all other relationships in my life.
Along the way I’ve learned that growing spiritually isn’t something to work at. It’s simply a state of being in my own process, aligning with my truth, and loving myself and seeing my self as perfect in every moment. When I can do that for myself, I can offer that same unconditional acceptance for others. When I can see the good in myself, I can see the good and others and empower them from that place.
If We are not doing our inner work, cannot experience compassion for ourselves, and cannot witness and express our authenticity, We have nothing to offer anyone else. Not our children, not our clients, not our family. Not anyone.
Ditch the parenting books.
Ditch the how-to cookbooks for success.
Ditch the gurus who tell you they can save you.
Want to be a better parent?
Want to be a successful entrepreneur?
Want to be a compassionate friend?
Want to be a healthy and vital being?
Want to be a coach for others?
Do your inner work.
The answers are all there for you.
You know the way.
Just think about it…..I’m sure it will come back to you.
And so it is…
Read more about how ReWilding empowered me.
